Betrayal of a Child
Belinda Elgar
Crying for
a stranger and a life brought to an end.1
‘Cause of
a paedophile, a monster,1
My heart
will never mend.1
Child of
incest, child of violence,1
Child of
no-ones, child of pain,1
On a
merry-go-round of terror,1
Deep
inside that child I am.1
Can’t
touch the world I live in,1
I won’t
let you see inside.1
Won’t let
you see my broken soul,1
With once
the innocence of an angel,1
Struggle
to survive.1
While
bleeding the forgiveness,1
For the
lies that shaped my life.1
I’m
reaching for a reason,1
To escape
this hell I feel.1
But our is
a world with no conscience,1
In a land
with no love,1
On a
planet with no virtue,1
Under a
flag with no trust.1
Where
killers become heroes,1
And lovers
just fuck.1
So how
does one find the faith of a child,1
Who’s lost
all memory and respect for the duo,1
Where
their existence began?1
Was I born
the devil’s spawn?1
Seed of
evil?1
Force of
hate?1
In truth,
pawn of fate.1
I loathe
the stranger you replaced me with,1
When you
stole my soul that day
Your
actions took me away,1
To a place
of no pain,1
With
cushions of clouds,1
That
soothed away my shame.1
Though you
injected me with your disease ridden, pathetic life,
I’m
floating on the illusion of euphoria,1
Watching a
stranger defend my body,1
Against
the idol you once were.1
I was a
child with no real father,1
And had
nowhere else to turn1.1
You
betrayed me, destroyed my life,1
Left me
crawling in agony.1
I’m lost
in this mentally insane utopia,1
Conceived
in an overload of endurance.1
Suffer the
little children.1
Suffer the
crimes and the lies of your life.1
There is
no God of mercy.1
So I long
for the playground I’ve never seen,1
Where I
can swing on the arms of trust,1
And skip
till I’ve hurdled the shame.1
Where I
can soak in the sun that brings laughter1,1
Where love
flows gently as the rain.1
Where I
can swim in the oceans of promise,1
Promising
a birth of happiness and new life.1
Where I
can slide through the hazards on my trail of tears,
Shed by
fear of an evil,1
That’s
buried in the sands of acceptance.1
Raw
emotions it seems.1
A pity my
playground is just a dream.1
More of an
illusion than the light behind my eyes.1
I can only
imagine joy,1
Because
the child inside me died.1
*************
I have attached both pieces of work to this e-mail which
I offer to you for RAHA. They are both copyrighted by me in 2003 and have
never been published. The following is a short biography as requested.
I am 27 years old and have a twenty month old son named Javier. I spend my
life now looking after him and my partner and writing short stories loosely
based on my misspent youth.
At school though I was in advanced classes I was persecuted by my teachers
because of the actions of my friends many of whom were drug addicts and
thugs to say the least. While at school some of my poetry was published in
English textbooks and my stories and speeches recieved rounds of applause
from my classmates. But I found it impossible to censor my work which
resulted in a constant fight with my teachers. I've always believed that you
should say exactly what you mean if you are to be true to yourself and
others. I refused to back down and left school early concentrating on music
which is my other passion. To anyone that recognises my last name, yes, I am
a direct descendant of Sir Edward Elgar the world famous composer.
My parent were deeply disappointed at my leaving school and I moved out at
17. I struggled and am not proud to say that I became a drug abuser. This
led to me meeting a man who abused me in so many frightful ways that I'm
writing a book on domestic violence to try and help people who find
themselves in the situation I only just managed to escape from. Seven years
after leaving him I've only just got my life back together again and urge
all people to break free of the chains that people who would control you
Thanking You
Belinda Elgar
